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My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!
So many activities!
One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.
I have a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this sh*t on me?
Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?
Did we just become best friends?
That's so funny the first time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.
I’m f*cking miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.
Hey Derek, you know what’s always good for shoulder pain? If you lick my butthole.
I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.
I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins
“Why are you so sweaty?” “I was watching cops.”
Dad, what are you doing? It’s ‘Shark Week’!
I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.
This is going to sound weird, but for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.
Robert better not get in my face, ’cause I’ll drop that mother f*cker
I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.
You’re not a doctor. You’re a big fat curly-headed f*ck.
Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta f*ck one, marry one, kill one. Go!
Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.