Funny quotes and sayings.
[doing armpit farts] Yeah! You don't see that on Animal Planet.
You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.
That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t.
Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.
[coming out of public bathroom] Oh you guys wont believe it in there, they got these neat little drinking spots, and look [shows to have urinal shop cleaner on his tongue] free mints.
[the penguins are trying to get Alex to eat fish instead of meat] There's always plan B. [shows Mort]
Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a fuck about your kids.
Now I'll have to compeat with Smaou, and is smug little grin, I can't top that... Can't top that.
I'm getting tired... I'm just going to sit here an. [falls asleep]
We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.
ou stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.
It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails.
King Julien: Wake up, Mr. Alex... Wake up, Mr. Alex... Rise and shining.... Wakey, wakey Mr. Alex! Wake up, Alex! King Julien: Wake up, Mr. Alex. Wake up, Mr. Alex. Rise and shining. Wakey, wakey Mr. Alex! Wake up, Alex! Alex the Lion: [wakes up surprised] King Julien: You suck your thumb?
[flatly] Presenting your royal highness, our illustrious King Julian the XIII, self-proclaimed lord of the lemurs, etc, etc, hooray, everybody.
I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now.
Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.”
Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s teets a good scrubbin’.
Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er.”
[Singing to Marty] Happy birthday to you! You live in a zoo! You look like a monkey, aannnndddd you smell like one, too!
27, 28, 29, 30. Hmm, 30 black and only 29 white, looks like you're black with white stripes after all. Dilemma solved. Good night!
I like to move it, move it!
Alex the Lion: You maniac, you burned it up!!! Darn you, darn you all to heck!! Alex the Lion: You maniac, you burned it up! Darn you, darn you all to heck! Melman the Giraffe: Can we go to the fun side now?
Shut up Spalding!
Fuck, Lemony Snicket, what A Series of Unfortunate Events you been through, you ugly fuck.
Daryl: You guys do CrossFit? Wayne: You can cross fuck off.
Alex the Lion: What does Connecticut have to offer us? Melman the Giraffe: Lyme disease. Alex the Lion: Thank you, Melman.
Your dad says guys with big trucks have little dinks. And that makes sense cuz you want a real big truck and got a real little dink.
What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.
If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me. And I suggest you let that one marinate.
When a zebra's in the zone, leave him alone!
Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.
Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill.
Be sure to visit my web site. 24-hour webcam. Watch me sleep.
You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.
Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!
If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat.
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, aannnndddd, you smell like one to!
[shows dead human] Don't you just love the people... Not a very lively bunch though.
Because the penguins are psychotic!!
I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud.
Fuck you Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from 2 years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes.
Everyone [shush noise] that's right [shush noise] how's making that noise! Oh it's me again.
Here’s a poem. Star light, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.
Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers.
Oh sugar honey ice tea!
Marty the Zebra: Excuse me, you're biting my butt! Alex the Lion: No I'm not. Marty the Zebra: Yes you are!
Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like yer pants are doin’ it for ya.
You seen a ‘coon havin’ sex with a barn cat on top of your truck? Fuck what’s the nature of that David Suzuki.
You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?
Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?”
We just love funny quotes!
So how can you really find a collection of funny quotes? If you are going to post a funny quote, there are three main things you need to take into consideration. You need to find a collection of jokes that will appeal to your readers and make them laugh.
But that is not all you need to be careful about. When you use a collection of funny quotes, you should also remember to list what specific event that led to the funny quote. This will give readers something to relate with and they may appreciate the funny quote that is completely unrelated to the funny event.
So why should you bother putting together a collection of funny quotes. Well, to start with, if you want your visitors to read your blog, your text will need to have some funny quotable in it.
If you want them to read your blog, then funny quotes in posts will be very useful. And that is exactly why you need to consider the three things before you put together a collection of funny quotes.
You must first decide whether you want to write a funny quote about a specific event or just use a funny quote in general. The second is how you want your readers to relate to the quote. And the third is what you want the quote to accomplish.
If you are not sure what you want to say, then make a joke about the event itself. If you want to talk about a funny moment in your life, then talk about funny things that happened to you, things you did, things you experienced or how you were hurt. The more general the quote, the more you can imagine your readers laughing at it.
Or you can choose a funny quote from a collection of jokes that you find in your blog. These can range from funny quotes that seem funny to some funny quotes which are from family and friends.
The difference between a general and a specific quote, and the one from a collection of jokes, is the author of the joke. You have to be sure that your jokes are coming from a real person.
Remember to look up some of your favorite funny quotes and find out if they have been used before. And that way you can use a few lines from that quote to help your readers relate to it.
You should also consider the word ‘funny’ in a funny quote. It does not always mean the same thing in different contexts. Look it up in a dictionary or some other reference and make sure that what you think it means will fit in the context.
In conclusion, you need to put together a collection of funny quotes. It may make your blog more unique and interesting, and it will help your readers relate to your blogs.